What's good y'all. It's been a minute (like 5 months but whatever).
To say that my 19th year of life has been crazy is a GIANT understatement. I have had some of the best moments of my entire life and have accomplished tasks I have always wanted to do. However, I also hit some of the lowest points of my entire life and really was going through it. Like REALLLYYYYYY going through it.
I saw 19 as a year of incompletion honestly. I passed the milestone 18 and I could vote now and that's live...then there was this random 19...and then I was officially two decades old. I truly thought this year would not be super significant. However, this year helped lay the foundation for the rest of my life. I became stronger emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and (kinda) physically. I was ready to speed up the clock and just get to me being 20 already. As I sit here on the eve of my 20th birthday though, I feel literally every emotion in the book. I am scared and excited about what happens after midnight tomorrow. Flabbergasted how fast time has flown. The strongest emotion is low-key wishing I could turn back the clock. To go back to being the little 10 year-old running outside and doing tricks on her Razor scooter. It is WAY too surreal for me that I am turning 20 tomorrow because honestly...I didn't think I was going to make it this far.
Starting from middle school until I would say the beginning of my second semester of my sophomore year of college, I was playing a character consistently. Happy and smiley on the outside, a tornado of negativity and anxiety on the inside. Eventually, the tornado got too powerful to hide, no matter how badly I wanted to hide it from others. Finally getting the courage to face my issues and work on myself improved my life drastically. I let others in. I stopped focusing on what others thought and just started being authentic again after YEARS of purposefully being a wallflower. To say that those issues are completely gone would be a lie. However, they aren't as catastrophic as they used to be and I am better at handling them. It is truly God that I am turning 20 in less than 24 hours. It is absolutely insane. Tomorrow means more than just turning a year older -- it's a day to celebrate the progress I have made in myself and that I can make it through any storm and see the sun at the end.
To all the friends and family that have been with me from the jump -- I love you more than anything in the entire world and I would do anything for you. To Chick-fil-A and Coca-Cola products -- thank you for being my main food groups for almost officially two decades. I adore y'all. To everyone reading this wondering if it truly does get better --- IT DOES. THERE WERE NUMEROUS
MOMENTS I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD -- BUT EVERYTHING BEAUTIFULLY COMES TOGETHER IN THE END. DON'T GIVE UP. Going to make my 20th year my best year yet -- I hope you do the same.
Peace Out Girl Scout,
Maddie