Let me tell y'all a story. A story full of twists, turns and some LOWS, SIS. However, it has a happy ending. Once upon a time, I met a guy (let's call him Ashton). Me and Ashton saw each other at a couple of functions throughout the year and he eventually shot his shot and we started talking. We met up at a couple of parties, flirted, etc. You get the picture. One day, I was sitting around with my friends in my dorm and I said "SCREW IT. IM INVITING ASHTON OVER (still one of the boldest things I've ever done)." He comes over, we talk for HOURS, we kiss, commence the butterflies. We spend every day after that either talking all day through texts or meeting up. Everything was going too well. Like I was legitimately shook. I truly thought this was THE relationship. The one I had been waiting for since...like...forever. Eventually, we both left for break but we still kept in touch -- Face--timing (literally talking until the sun came up), texting, snapping, tweeting. LITERALLY DOING THE MOST. But it was cute. I was SUPER HAPPY. I was glowing in every sense of the word. I was talking to this super hot guy who seemed to actually care about me and what I wanted. It was GREAT....and then the storm hit.
I got "The Call" -- the one where everything that you thought was true is proven to be a lie and everything basically just blows up. Usually when a guy stops talking to me, he just drops off the face of the Earth without a goodbye (I know -- I truly attract the good ones). So having to have this conversation (ON FREAKING FACE--TIME!!!!) was beyond awful. More times than I can count in my life, people close to me lied and hid the truth from me. I accepted it because I still wanted them in my life -- I was afraid of what life would be like without them. Sometimes though, you have to let that person go. If you don't have trust with someone and have someone who respects and cares for ALL aspects of you...let them go. Trust is the basis of any relationship -- without that you have nothing. If someone cares about one aspect of you significantly more than the others (ex. a person liking you more physically than mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.) then they don't truly care about you. I wanted to keep him in my life. I wanted to just pretend that he didn't totally DECEIVE ME STRAIGHT UP TO MY FACE (STRAIGHT UP TO MY FACEEE *shoutout to Drake*). I wanted that "perfect relationship" -- I was ready to settle again. I was going to continue the cycle I vowed myself to end. As I sat there on "The Call", I felt tons of emotions. OVERWHELMING stress, anxiety, and depression hit me like a truck. I hadn't truly felt those emotions in a while so I was definitely not excited about my mind being suddenly attacked by them. I stopped focusing on them when I was with him -- he made me SO stupid happy that I didn't focus on the anxiety and depression that LITERALLY clings itself to me 25/8 -- but now they were back in full force, ready for me to self-destruct. However, I also had this really weird feeling of peace?? I knew that the decision I was going to make was going one of the hardest ones I have ever made -- but for once I had to stand up for myself. I am sick of people thinking they can get away with lying or deceiving me because they know I will take them back. I am sick of putting others first before myself. I am sick of BOYS (not men) treating me like a toy and not a human with ACTUAL EMOTIONS (I KNOW. CRAZY.). He knew so much about me personally. He let me get emotionally attached and then chucked this news at me, thinking that I wouldn't possibly leave him now. False. I hung up the call and two days later told him WHY HE HAD ME BENT and told him we would be friends (which never ended up happening).
I would be totally lying if I said that the following weeks were SUPER EASY!! I BOUNCED BACK SO FAST!! FORGET THE GUY I'VE MADE A LEGIT CONNECTION WITH THE PAST FEW MONTHS!! WHERE'S THE NEXT ONE??? All lies bro. I spent the next month or so crying watching Netflix while eating applesauce (I have the diet of a kindergartener). There are things that I did though that made the process of getting over heartbreak 1000% easier:
LET YOURSELF FEEL THESE EMOTIONS: Let me say it again for those who are stubborn like me:
LET!!! YOURSELF!!! FEEL!!! THESE!!! EMOTIONS!!!!!
Whenever I am faced with a situation that I know will ruin me mentally and emotionally if I think about it, I bury it inside of myself and just pretend it didn't happen. Super healthy, I know. However, whenever I would get into situations that would give me a lot of stress or anxiety, the problems I tried to keep buried would be chucked back into my memory, making me feel even worse. After I hung up "The Call", I vowed that I would let myself feel everything in this situation -- for better or for worse. The first couple of weeks WERE HARD. No matter what I was doing, he would always sneak into my mind. I was crying constantly and 70% of the time extremely sad. I hung out with friends and family, but I felt like I was just...there. Not really contributing anything, just thinking about all the good times me and Ashton shared. I had to stop listening to certain songs and watching certain shows because we would listen and watch them together. IT SUCKED. But then it SLOWLY (but surely) got easier. I wasn't as sad as I used to be. I could listen and watch the songs and shows I used to vehemently avoid. He stopped being a constant in my brain and just made small glimpses throughout my day. I slowly started to be more like myself again, and other people were noticing. I started focusing on what truly mattered in the situation -- ME. Which leads me to say...
SET GOALS FOR YOURSELF: What I did the first couple of weeks after me and Ashton ended (and still do) was make a list of goals I wanted to accomplish that day. Some of them were simple like "Finishing a blog post", or "Going to go workout." However, some of them were tests for me, like "Staying calm when angry at the people in my life", or "Facing a fear" (Escalators actually scare the crap out of me. Long story.). Depending on what the goal was, I would reward myself with something like getting a ICEE (The best frozen treat ever. @ me.) or treating myself to a new outfit. The feeling of accomplishing something that you have meant to do FOREVER or doing something that means a lot to you will definitely help you get through this hard time.
GET MOTIVATION APPS ON YOUR PHONE: The app that I have on my phone is literally called "Motivation" and you can set it so you can get motivational quotes sent to your phone every hour. I am also signed up for "Shine Text" that sends not only quotes, but life advice THAT IS PERFECT. Both of these things have definitely helped me get through my hard times. If you don't want to get the app or sign up for "Shine Text", then I DEFINITELY recommend to....
READ EVERYTHING BY R.H. SIN: I am currently reading "Whiskey Words And A Shovel I" and it is actually the most brilliant book I have ever read. It is truly like the author took everything that I was feeling in my heart and made it into a book. It is the PERFECT book for someone getting over heartbreak. There are poems about the pain you experience when fixing a broken heart. However, there are also poems about how strong you are, how others couldn't compare, and other topics of empowerment. If you want to feel invincible and powerful, then read this book. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY and helped me get re-focused on myself and my goals.
SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH YOURSELF: I spend time at night journaling and reading "Whiskey Words and A Shovel I." Sometimes, I will light a candle (preferably ones that smell like candy) and watch one of my favorite TV shows or movies (LOVE AND BASKETBALL FOR THE WIN). I will try on my cutest outfits with music in the background and just turn up with myself (rapping "Bodak Yellow" by myself in my cutest outfit is one of the livest things I have done this summer tbh).Whatever you decide to do, make sure that it only involves YOU. Focus on YOU. Spending time with your friends and family is great, but it's nice to spend time alone as well. Personally, spending time alone helps me recharge from the day I had and just overall gives me a break. One of the best things I did after the Ashton ordeal was give myself little rituals to do every day with myself to make the day (but most importantly the night) a little bit brighter.
FOCUS ON YOUR PRESENT RELATIONSHIPS: Before all of this went down, I made sure to check in on friends and family. However, once Ashton left my life, I used all the energy I used on him and truly invested into those relationships. Sending texts all the time just to see how their day was going, making sure to spend as much time with them as possible, making sure that they are truly doing ok. By doing this, my relationships grew on an even deeper level and we got closer. I also began to fix my relationship with God. I have a really weird relationship with Him?? Like I will pray for a week straight and then forget for awhile and then I will remember that I need to and pick it up again for a week and then stop again -- it's a vicious cycle. When you are going through something as hard as heartbreak, there is no better person to turn to than God. Seriously. After "The Call," I immediately prayed to God to show me what to do. And He did. He gave me a support system and someone who only wanted to see the best for me. Even if you aren't super religious, I feel like everyone can agree on that there are forces out of our hands that guide our lives. By focusing back on that and making sure you have a healthy relationship with the universe around you, it all comes back to you having a healthier relationship with yourself.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: After Ashton, I thought I wasn't going to make it. I thought I was never going to find someone better than that for me. I thought that that was my only chance of happiness slipping between my fingertips. Frankly, that was total crap. I FOUND TRIPLE OF THE HAPPINESS ASHTON GAVE ME IN. MY. SELF. LEMME REPEAT THIS AGAIN: YOU CAN AND WILL FIND HAPPINESS IN YOURSELF THAT WILL BE MORE MAGNIFICENT THAT ANY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP CAN GIVE YOU. You are electric. You are powerful. You are a force. You will survive this. And you will be ok. As I was getting over Ashton, I thought I was going to be sad forever. However, as I sit here writing this article while listening to Drake (obvi listening to "Marvin's Room"), I can truthfully say that I am a better woman than I was before him. This whole experience was definitely a nightmare, for sure. It made me such a stronger woman though. I truly believe that I was meant to meet him. That God put him in my life knowing that getting over him would make me an unstoppable force, no longer wasting my time on people who won't give a second of theirs. When I took a step back from the relationship with Ashton, I realized that everything that I wanted with him -- someone who truly cared for me, loved me, made me laugh, etc. -- I WAS ALREADY ALL OF THOSE THINGS TO MYSELF??? I did not (and still don't) need a significant other to make me complete -- and you don't either. You are already complete -- it just takes some time to find that out for some. To say that I don't still think of him sometimes is a lie. I have days where I am in my feelings and I wonder "What if he didn't do what he did? What would life be like?" But then I snap myself back to reality and remember that focusing on a possibility when a certain future is in front of you is pointless. I will never know for sure why he did what he did and what would have happened if he didn't. What I know for sure though is that he definitely took an L losing me *hair flip*. One day, the thought of the person who hurt you will be a distant memory. Know for now though that YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS. AND YOU WILL FIND PEACE BEING AWAY FROM THIS PERSON EVEN THOUGH IT FEELS LIKE CHAOS IS SURROUNDING YOU RIGHT NOW. YOU WILL FIND JOY DESPITE YOUR MIND TELLING YOU YOU WON'T. I am gonna end this post with one of my favorite poems by r.h. Sin (also: if you wanna talk my Twitter name is @maddiethebeast7. YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS.)
"First I missed you. Then I learned to live without you. I found comfort in your absence. I made peace with being alone."
Peace Out Girl Scout,
Maddie the Media Princess